Chronicles of the Upwardly Mobile

I’m sure this has happened to you…

You’re sitting quietly on an elevator, on your way to wherever it is you are going. The bell dings, the elevator stops, and you prepare to step out like Neil Armstrong stepping first foot on the moon.

You may as well be on a distant planet, because more often than not, as the doors slide open and you prepare to leisurely stroll out, you are met by a swarming horde.

Whether they are running from something, or racing towards something, you can’t be sure. But one thing is certain: They are hell bent on making sure they get on that elevator before your sorry ass gets off.

It seems to not occur to people that when the elevator stops on your floor, there is a very high likelihood that there is some poor bastard inside that death-box that would like to get out.


There is certain madness in people that elevators seem to bring out. Try this experiment: Next time you are waiting on an elevator, watch as every single person who shows up to wait presses the call button. Yes, the button is already lit up. Yes, there are three people standing here that have already pushed it. But thank God that you actually showed up to show the rest of us with low mental acuity how an elevator is supposed to operate.

Now, on the count of three, let’s stampede this SOB before he can get off.